Shame is a deeply painful emotion that traps us in cycles of self-judgment and isolation. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) provides a powerful framework for healing by helping us accept our experiences, clarify our values, and take meaningful action.
What is Shame?
Guilt typically relates to specific behaviors, expressing feelings like “I did something wrong.” In contrast, shame centers around self-devaluation: “I am bad.” This emotion is inherently identity-based and systemic. Prominent researchers like Brené Brown and June Tangney have extensively studied this particularly painful and destructive emotion.
While shame is classified as an emotion, it is more complex than basic emotions such as fear or joy. As a self-conscious emotion, shame arises from how we perceive ourselves in relation to others. Neuroscientific research indicates that shame activates brain regions associated with social pain, such as the anterior cingulate cortex and insula, which are also involved in physical pain processing. This may explain why shame can feel so intense and isolating.
Understanding the mental health consequences of shame is vital, as it is linked to post-traumatic stress, substance use, self-injury, suicide, and even compromised immune function.
Shame is a trickster; it hides in plain sight. We often become adept at concealing both shame and our feelings surrounding it.
The Emotional Side Effects of Shame
Fear and grief are two primary emotions that often accompany shame. When we feel powerful emotions like these, our threat-response system activates, leading to classic responses such as fight, freeze, flight, fawn, or collapse.
To avoid experiencing shame, we may resort to self-criticism. This strategy serves two purposes: it tries to prevent future mistakes (correction) and punishes the “bad” self to drive out negative feelings—troublingly, that “bad self” is still you. Over time, we may become trapped in a cycle of self-criticism, hoping that one day we will feel worthy or enough.
In therapy, we can identify shame symptoms through verbal and non-verbal cues, exploring psychological, emotional, and somatic experiences. It’s essential to examine the roles of racial, cultural, ethnic, and religious messages, as well as where trauma might lie at these intersections.
Reflective Questions
As you consider your journey with shame, you may find it helpful to explore the following questions:
- How do you manage your sense of self-worth?
- What behaviors do you engage in to avoid shame?
- What cues trigger your shame response?
- Which past experiences bring this emotion to the surface?
- How do you internalize blame or criticism, and how does this lead to self-devaluation?
What is ACT?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a mindfulness-based behavioral therapy that encourages individuals to accept difficult emotions rather than avoid them. It promotes psychological flexibility, enabling a focus on leading a meaningful life, even amid painful thoughts and emotions.
Why and How Does ACT Help Us Heal from Shame?
- Acceptance Instead of Avoidance: ACT teaches us to acknowledge shame rather than hide from it. By observing shame with curiosity, we can reduce its power.
- Cognitive De-fusion: ACT helps us detach from harsh self-judgments, allowing us to view thoughts as temporary events rather than absolute truths. For instance, instead of saying, “I am unworthy,” we learn to say, “I notice the thought that I am unworthy,” creating emotional distance.
- Self-Compassion and Mindfulness: ACT encourages self-compassion by observing emotions without judgment, utilizing mindfulness techniques to remain present and prevent shame from pulling us into past regrets or future anxieties.
- Values-Based Living: Rather than allowing shame to hinder pursuing goals, ACT shifts focus toward our values. It encourages us to take meaningful actions aligned with our values (like connection, kindness, and courage) while experiencing shame.
- Committed Action: Healing from shame isn’t about eliminating it but about taking committed action despite it. ACT helps individuals pursue a fulfilling life based on values rather than fear.
ACT Interventions for Immediate Relief from Shame
- Acknowledge and Accept: Instead of fighting against shame, acknowledge it openly. Notice your physical sensations and thoughts without judgment, using phrases like, “I notice that I’m experiencing shame right now, and that’s okay.”
- Unhook from Shame-Based Thoughts: Rather than accepting self-critical narratives as truths, practice cognitive de-fusion—recognizing thoughts as mere words. Shift from “I am unworthy” to “I am having the thought that I’m unworthy.” This creates space between you and the thought.
- Connect with Your Values: Shame often seeks to define us. Shift focus to the person you want to be despite these emotions.
Shame loses its grip when we stop fighting it and start living with intention. Through acceptance, mindfulness, and value-driven action, we can create a life where shame is acknowledged—but not in control.
Athens Counseling & Psychotherapy, LLC 